[ACM-W] How to Love a Geek Girl

[B A Bair]

A little chuckle to help break the monotony of studying for finals...

>From www.drue.com/writings
~~~~~~~~

There's a lot of advice on the net for those who love geek boys; you
know, things like "when the lights are low, whisper to him in your best
Majel Barrett (Star Trek computer) voice" or "bring him a cold Coke
without asking" or "tell him you want to spend a romantic weekend at
home, just the two of you playing Doom". But precious little has been
written about the XX side of the equation -- geek girls and how to love
'em. 

Why? Beats me. We're just as needy as our hacker brethren. We have our
quirky whims and nerdly desires. We want to be loved just as much as
they do. And there are quite a few of us out here. 

Although geek girls are a unique breed in American society: notoriously
independent, highly motivated, intensely curious, and possibly a little
more fashion-conscious than the average nerd-boy. Classic symptoms
include a serious technology fetish (does she curl up in bed with her
PowerBook? was she the first person you knew to get ISDN in her house?),
uncommon vehicles (skateboards, motorcycles, and for the überchic,
Galaxie 500 convertibles), and an unorthodox approach to life
(polyamorous neo-paganism? If she hasn't tried it yet, it's just because
she hasn't had time.) She's fashionable, but with an edge -- her boots
may be larger and heavier than yours. But don't be misled by the harsh
exterior; even her funky retro-framed glasses (with an anti-glare tint
for computer work, of course) can't hide the gleam in her eyes when she
encounters a kindred spirit. 

Not surprisingly, geek girls relate to lovers differently than the
technophobic girl-next-door. Not everyone can (or should) court a geek
chick. 

Case in point: I dated a marketing guy awhile back. True, marketers and
engineers are natural enemies in the wild, but I thought we could
overcome our baser instincts. Besides, he assured me, he wasn't like
other marketing people. 

Problem was, he wasn't like geeks, either. And when my work began piling
up, I kicked into geek overdrive, and the differences between us became
undeniable. 

But what could I expect -- he lived in cubeland and left work at 5. He
had time to work out at the cushy corporate fitness center and cook
meals and actually spend waking hours in his apartment. And he couldn't
understand it when I'd stay up til 4 debugging sites or playing on IRC.
He didn't get my jokes (most of which had to do with the Net). And he
didn't share my love of email. Needless to say, the relationship
suffered... 

Eventually, I wised up and starting dating a geek boy. I fell in love
with his webpages first (it's true. I emailed him after discovering his
site, and, well, you know how these things happen...). And so far it's
working out wonderfully. He works the same painfully long hours as me.
We trade volumes of email (sometimes that's all the contact we can
manage throughout the day). Not that we never connect in real life -- we
work in the same building, so mid-afternoon coffee breaks and the
occasional surreptitious hallway smooch are happily available. But
possibly best of all, we can geek together. 

We'll sit up late at night, collaborating on interface design fantasies
or sketching out websites we'd love to build someday. Mornings we lounge
in bed, talking about our dreams ("I knew the alarm was going off but I
couldn't find wakeup.cgi." True story!) Sometimes we'll set our
computers side by side and work. 

Sounds boring? Would you believe me if I told you it's wonderful?
Sharing your personal life, your passion with someone who also has this
understanding (and can give you their own perspectives) is one of the
most exhilarating experiences I've had. And hey, if they can get excited
about my projects, well, that's just icing on the cake. 

Want to win over a geek girl? Show her you understand her passion. Feel
her excitement when she launches a site, writes a Java applet that
doesn't crash, or hacks into Apache for the first time. Shower her with
amusing email, cool URLs and odd bits of USENET lore. Surprise her with
a romantic postcard (but steer clear of sap -- geek girls are
discerning, you know). Write secret letters to her on your website.
Massage her hands and wrists (all that typing takes its toll). And take
her away from her work sometimes -- but understand that, although you
can take a geek girl away from her computer, you can't always expect her
to stop thinking about computers. 

Of course, there are a few things you should avoid:

* Don't get cranky when she has to work late: geek girls are driven by
their intellects and you may occasionally have to take a backseat to the
latest release of Perl. 

* Don't flip out over the occasional anti-social tendency. Chances are
she spends more time looking at a monitor than talking face to face, and
sometimes being around people can just be overwhelming. Don't take it
personally. She just needs to decompress. 

* Don't submit her URL to "Babes on the Web." No matter how cool you
think it is. 

* Don't build a shrine to her, unless you're sure she'll enjoy it. And
for God's sake, if it doesn't work out, don't going telling the world
the intimate details of your break-up. 


Geek girls everywhere will thank you.